Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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