What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
