dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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