You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
