im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
no, he came in my armpit
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
