it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
