Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
