Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
