how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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