Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
