so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
