They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
