oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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