i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
