trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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