so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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