I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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