You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
