My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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