OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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