: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
