you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
