She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
