when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
