so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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