I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How naked do you want me to be?
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