Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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