I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
