I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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