i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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