I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
