i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
