I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
