Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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