i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
