He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
