Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
