i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
