everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
