Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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