I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
