i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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