Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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