I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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