...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
