He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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