dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
