Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
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