i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
