If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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