You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
